Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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