well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
