I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
