clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We're too hungover to prance.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
