I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
