I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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