Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
