In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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