John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
