just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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