im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
