it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
