my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
