I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My ass is underappreciated
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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