so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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