Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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