I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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