Dude my mom stole all your condoms
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
