Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
