He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
