3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The air was thick with penises
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
