what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
