She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
