I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
