he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
