I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
