and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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