Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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