I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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