We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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