Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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