Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
