Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
