So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
