i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
