there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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