They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
