I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
