Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
