The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
