I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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