First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
