ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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