dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
