I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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