So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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