i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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