His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
