I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
