Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
