How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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