he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
