It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
