Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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